According to ?
by Heather Giesbrecht
Summary: Neo is in a bad relationship with Balthazar and trying to decide if he wants to leave. Then Smith show's up out of nowhere, so, will Neo stay with Balthazar or leave ? Trigger/warning: Abuse, mentions of suicide in chapter 2. Neo/Balthazar, Smith/Neo, Neo/?
1. According to Balthazar

**According to...Balthazar**

Neo shook his head, he stared at the marble floor from where he lay on the edge of the red-silk sheeted bed. Balthazar's words once again rang in his head, "You're stupid. You are useless, Neo. You can't make up your own damn mind." Red eyes and melting skin accompanying the words in his mind, those words being said only a few minutes ago, he wished his random Sight would go away sometimes. Especially when Balthazar got mad at him, which was often lately.

He knew it was bad, but Balthazar was a Demon or half one anyway, what was he supposed to do? There was **nothing**, he'd tried his own magic to get away, it hadn't worked. _'Most of the time I forget that I even have magic because none of it works on Balthazar. I'm not nearly strong enough for that, for anything magic related really.' _Magic, that's what cousin John was for, he still didn't know why the Exorcist hadn't done something, anything.

Weeks ago Midnite had looked at him, when he had walked into the backroom with Balthazar. Midnite, of course, knew how bad it was and had tried to stop it. It hadn't worked then, either, if Midnite couldn't who could ? Since he had run into Smith earlier, he was having doubts again.

**Flashback**

He walked out of the dark-brown/black BZR building after one of Balthazar's meetings. About an hour ago, he hadn't been able to decide if he'd wanted to go so Bal had called him, "Difficult, too hard to please. No wonder no one else wants you. Plus, you're always late, maybe if you died again you'd be on time for once."

As those words echoed in his head, he had literally run into the ex-Agent. Even though, he should have fallen, Smith caught him. Just that would have made him gasp from the sheer surprise, he'd probably have fallen if he'd gotten hit with a feather.

Fingers tilted his chin and that familiar dark voice, "Mr. Anderson.", except it wasn't mocking and there was something in those ice-blue eyes...something he hadn't seen since he started going out with Balthazar.

Dimly, he heard himself reply, "It's Neo. Why does he always do that ? It's not fair."

"What do you mean ? Balthazar ?"

_'Why hasn't Smith let go of me yet ? It's not a tight grip, if doesn't feel like he wants to kill me.'_

"You know about him, about ... us ?"

Neo found himself waiting to be insulted, like Balthazar almost always did when he asked a question.

Smith tilted his own head down slightly and growled while he flinched, "Yes, I know. Your cousin, Constantine, found me and told me about him, I don't like him. You deserve so much better than a half-Demon. Look at yourself, Neo, you're incredible, the things that you have done, you're the most powerful human in the Matrix. You beat me so easily, you weren't even trying. Mind, I was not trying my hardest either. Neo, you're beautiful, do you even realize how many people must look at you every day and wish they had you ? Every single one of them is better for you than **him**. Even** I** would be better for you than him."

_'Why couldn't John have come and helped me ? But, it feels good to have it be Smith, I didn't realize I actually missed him this badly.' _Unknown to all, except John he had long had a crush on Smith. John couldn't help reminding him whenever they met.

Smith must've seen his flinch because the other was running his finger-tips over his cheek-bone and he could hardly believe that Smith thought that about him. Him, of all people, even though they had fought so many times over the years. The last, their so far final fight, the one in the rain two years ago. For some reason Neo had missed their fighting it was something he had cherished, only realising that when it was over. He couldn't believe that Smith thought he was beautiful, Balthazar never said anything like that anymore. According to Balthazar he was as stupid as he was pretty. Over all the years he had never seen the icy eyes look less cold. Apart from the color they looked warm, like Smith really meant it.

The Ex-Agent continued, "I couldn't stop thinking about you, after I woke up, again. I couldn't help wondering what had happened to you. When I heard that Balthazar had taken you, I knew it would not be good. Especially, when Midnite told me about your last appearance with Balthazar. Midnite told me you don't even joke about his accent anymore. Two years ago, seeing all those other people's memories of you, I know you're funny. I thought quite a few things were hilarious when you said them to me, even when they were insults. What I mean, is you're everything to me and I couldn't realise that until a few months ago. I love you, Neo."

Suddenly, he was jerked away as Balthazar snarled, "Get away from him, Smith ! Unless you want me to kill you, oh...wait you can't die only get deleted. You're only six-hundred years old, you don't know anything. I'm guessing our dear, precious Johnny-boy sent you ? Did you appreciate Neo when you had him, Smith ? Oh, wait you never did."

Smith's eyes turning colder, much colder, like a prehistoric glaicer, "You're older than when Rome was real, Balthazar. Yet you can't appreciate the best thing you **don't** deserve, so fuck you. It doesn't matter, I was looking for him anyway, Midnite and Constantine only helped me."

Meanwhile, he was left staring at Smith as Balthazar grabbed him which was just before the stench of sulfur engulfed them. They disappeared just as Smith reached for him and they appeared miles away in Balthazar's bedroom.

**End Flashback**

Now he was back where he'd started, at Balthazar's insulting him, the millenia old half-Demon hadn't said anything nice in months. He hadn't had a reason to joke about Midnite's accent, lately. _'Smith, Smith loves me. Loves me, without threats or bribing ! Just Smith saying he loves me and couldn't stop thinking about me, Smith of all beings.'_

If he left Balthazar to go to Smith, at least, he seemed to geniunely care, he missed seeing Smith and he was quite honestly **sick** of Balthazar. _'Balthazar who always insults me even worse than Smith's ever done, than Smith would've ever dreamed of. Balthazar who tried to bargain me off, so a more powerful half-breed wouldn't kill him.'_

Even back when they fought Smith never would have thought of that, Neo was sure. It would be so much better if he left Balthazar for Smith. The half-Demon exclaimed suddenly, "Don't you **dare** think about it !"

"What? Think about **leaving ?** I already am."

Balthazar snarled at him, the dark-gray eyes turned red from anger, "Do you think I wasn't listening to the lies he was saying ? You're horrible at fighting and, even worse, at telling jokes, you always give them away before you're done telling them. Not even Johnny-boy likes you enough to rescue you from me. That's saying something even Constantine, who absolutely **loathes** me, who's actually related to you thinks you belong with me."

"You're saying according to you, Balthazar, that Smith's interested in me for what I'm not ? However, I seriously, seriously, doubt that John thinks I belong with you."

'_I don't belong to Balthazar, but, but if I do leave he'll go after Smith. I don't want that, not when I know what he feels about me. Does Balthazar love me ? Has he been doing things to say it and I haven't noticed ? Should I leave or stay ?'_

"Exactly. I'm surprised everyday you can get up, you're weak. Maybe I should do Heaven a favour and just kill you. It's quite obvious why Constantine thinks that, you're a spineless little idiot. You've always got to have me help you or make up your mind for you. Heaven always pick's either the stupid ones or the weak ones. They got both in you and Johnny-boy, now you better still be here when I get back !"

Balthazar turned and left the lavish bedroom for the living/main-room, slamming the out-door with demonic force. Wary, he walked through the main room over to the door, mentally reaching out to sense if Balthazar had put wards up. Metal spikes dotted the main room along with the expensive, white leather furniture. The half-breed hadn't thank God.

As expected when he tried using normal force to open the door it didn't work. So, he resorted to using his whole focus-enhanced strength and it budged a bit. He smiled at that and tried again, at the same time pushing magic into the door. It flew open and his back hit the black wall, a few feet away from one of Balthazar's steel spikes. The half-demon always threatened to do worse than kill him with those all the time. For a second, he stared from the spike across the room at the open dark-mahogany door.

'_A reason to leave him in the past, can I do it ? Can I really leave and go to Smith ? If John would help I'm sure Balthazar wouldn't come after us. Would he help ? John and Midnite had helped Smith find me after all. Surely they'd help, at least, John would, wouldn't he ?'_

Slowly, he caught his breath, pulled his magic back in, got up ... and left. Uncertain of anything and knowing nothing, but the fact that he needed to leave. Somehow, he ended up in a little grocery store with a Half-angel as clerk. The dark gray feathers curled towards and around him in a spiritual calm.

"You know he doesn't love you, you know that he's wrong. Leave Balthazar, he won't hurt you anymore. We won't let him, but you have to leave first - Neo you don't belong to him. You belong to God, you've done so much good for **everyone**, even though you were never in the old world. Smith was right about you, Balthazar doesn't deserve or appreciate you. "

He blinked as a random image appeared in his mind, the courtyard where he had met Smith, before they fought for the third time. _'Huh ? I thought that link disappeared years ago.'_ Intrigued, he felt along the link toward Smith and felt the love and concern...all for him. It was almost mentally papable, it was more of a **force** than an energy.

Most of the time the images and dreams had no relavant meaning to him, and though he had tried, he had never managed to find the people in them. Maybe, like the half-Angel suggested those were from the world before the Matrix. It seemed like there were hardly any recent visions to help him, except the old happy ones.

With his mind now made up, he turned and left the store. For the first time, in a while, he knew exactly where to go, to the courtyard, to Smith. It must have been Heaven's help because after he saw a tan-skinned man with dark-red hair what felt like seconds later he was in the courtyard.

Felt a real smile appear as he saw Smith, no more bribes or threats from Balthazar. The ex-Agent turned as he walked up, an obviously relieved look on the tanned face. They'd never be able to figure out who started it, but they were in the middle of a deep kiss when he dimly felt John's aura. Reluctantly, he pulled away from Smith to look at his cousin.

John muttered as he ran a hand through his hair, "Glad you're all right, I would've helped but, I was on a case in Chicago until a few days ago. I'm sorry, I'm a damned idiot, because I didn't think Balthazar would actually go after you, To-Neo. I should have known he would, that fucking hell sucker goes after everybody connected to me."

That phrase got a chuckle from him and he replied, "Well, according to Balthazar ... Hell is nice." It was one of the first things Balthazar ever said to him. Which had been well before they started dating.

Smith growled, "Well, according to me he can go back to Hell, if it's so nice."

Laughter after he replied, "That's exactly what I said."

It was nice to feel safe in general, but, even more with the ex-Agent beside him. Like he had dreamed for the last two years and ignored because as far as he had known Smith was gone. Except that Smith wasn't gone, he was safe and John wasn't snarking about his feelings for 'Ice-eyes'. For once everything was going right and Neo hoped as they walked away that it would last.


	2. According to Constantine

**According to...Constantine**

Smith blinked in confusion as an unfamiliar, deep and smoke roughened voice called, "Smith."

It startled him when he turned to see a man who looked almost like Neo's twin - the same tall, slim build, raven black-hair and pale-skin, except that the dark-brown eyes were cold and the man wore a slightly rumpled suit.

He replied, "Yes and who exactly would you be ?"

_'He looks very familiar for another reason as well...but, what reason is it ?'_

Even odder to him was the sight of a face so similar to Neo's smirking, "Constantine, John Constantine. Did you enjoy your bath ?"

_'Mm, so that's where Neo gets it from.'_

"No, surprisingly, I don't like myself extra crispy. Still since you seem to have forgotten to bring the Dragon's Breath, I assume you're not here to do it again."

Constantine shook his head and then randomly exclaimed, "Fuck Balthazar !"

He looked around the skyscraper covered street for the half-Demon and didn't see him. _'Good, I would have murdered that little bastard.'_

Still he wondered, "What exactly does Balthazar have to do with this conversation ?"

"Balthazar stole Tom ! I told him to stay away from that fuck, but for some reason he didn't listen and I haven't heard from him in months."

_'So, according to Constantine, Balthazar __**stole**__ Neo ? Why would Neo ever fall for him ? Especially, considering what he did.'_

"You mean the pin-striped, half-Demon imbecile that killed Morpheus before I could and then blamed it on me Balthazar ? Why wouldn't he contact you ? He always does every month or so."

"Full Demon, but yes, that one ! It's like Balthazar put some sort of spell on him, of course, Tom doesn't even see how abusive that asshole's being."

"Why me ? He's your cousin and who's to say he would even accept my help ? Do you remember what he does to those people ? If he doesn't kill them himself, they end up practically suicidal because he's convinced them their worthless without him."

_'That can't happen to Neo, it can't. I won't let it ! I'll send that fuck back to Hell before I let that happen.' _

Constantine raked his hands through his hair, furthering his resemblance to Neo, and growled, "Do you think I **haven't** tried ? He's the only one who gave a shit about me when we were younger. I've tried to save him a thousand times, everything I do Balthazar's got a counter-spell for and I happen to be on a case at the moment. As for that, yeah he'd listen to you, he's in love with you, you idiot !"

_'He's in love...__**with me**__ ? How could I not know that ? All those memories I saw of him, yet I never saw one like that. Constantine doesn't look the type to lie for nothing, or in general really, so it's true, but very unbelievable to hear about.'_

"**Where is he ? **New York, Denver, Los Angeles ? Where is he, Constantine ? Tell me now !"

An incredulous, "We're in Chicago, what do you think you're gonna do walk to L.A in a day ?"

_'Los Angeles ? Balthazar moved him all the way to Los Angeles ?'_

"I took over the whole of the fucking Matrix in** two**, that's nothing. Do you know where their," Oh how he hated using 'thier' it make him feel sick, "living ?"

"Balthazar's got a fancy apartment somewhere, but you'll have to get help or he'll stop you too. Midnite should have something to help with that."

Before Constantine had even finished saying, "Midnite.", he'd started walking away. He knew where Midnite's club was, it wouldn't be hard to find.

As he walked, he started sifting some of the memories he'd taken from some of the people he'd copied over.

**Angela's Memory**

She looked down at the half-Demon body at her feet, it'd been impaled through the heart with a very ornate long sword. Found herself quipping, joined by a quieter and deeper voice, "I always knew he was heartless."

Both she and Neo laughed before she asked, "How've you been, Neo ?"

The cassock-clad man replied, "Pretty good, well, as long as you don't pull a gun on me again. Anyway, you ?"

"You're not going to let me forget that are you ?"

The first time she'd met him, her cop instincts had screamed, "Threat, terrorist, threat !", and she'd pulled her gun, even as her psychic instincts had said, "He is not a threat to you, he is **good**." That was the time she'd found out 'L.A.' wasn't real and how there was a bigger concentration of half-breeds inside the Matrix compared to how many were in the Real world.

A rather beautiful smile as Neo walked up, he retorted, "Not a chance, Angela, not a chance."

Grinned back as she hugged him, "I wouldn't have it any other way."

_'I'm glad Neo, at least, likes hugs and stuff or else I'd hardly be able to tell him and John apart.'_

**End Memory**

Now, he was walking through some sort of field as it was dark. Stars were shining above as he wondered if Neo could or rather would be 'allowed' to see them too. _'I can't believe that Balthazar managed to get his hands on Neo. What if I get there and even if it's not too late...what if he doesn't want to leave ? I doubt Balthazar would let him leave, consider I had to pull Mr. Shane off that spike before I could copy over him, if only to end his clear misery.'_

**Morgan Shane's Memory**

He blinked back tears as Balthazar's words echoed through his head, "W-what d-do you mean leave ? I-I don't want to leave."

That sharp, British accent feeling like it was driving knives into his heart with, "Get the fuck out ! You're boring me and now you're making me angry."

Before he knew what was happening, he was suddenly behind thrown onto one of the spikes that dotted the living room. It wasn't the pain of being impaled through the stomach that made him cry, it was the sight of Balthazar walking away from him without looking back, not even once.

_'How can I bore him ? How can he do this to me ? This isn't fair, I don't wanna leave.'_

**End Memory**

Something flashed in the sky above and then he thrown through the air as something crashed into the field in front of him. Slowly, he picked himself up, to see a dark-red haired man with tanned-skin crouched in the crater.

Seconds later, as the man straightened up pure white wings, six wings, that matched the all white clothes, unfolded from the 'man's back as his eyes shone bright-gold. "You will not reach him if you keep at this pace."

"If I remember correctly you are not supposed to be here, you are violating you're Balance."

Said Seraph smiled and reached out a hand, "We will over-look the Balance this once if it will save Neo's life. Come, I will take you to Midnite."

Warily, he took the Seraph's hand and the six wings wrapped around him, "Close your eyes, little one."

Grumbled, "I am not little, I am six hundred years old."

A mock-chiding, "And I am well over six thousand as is Balthazar, now do as your told."

So, he closed his eyes and accompanying the sound of flapping wings was the scent of rain and golden light against the back of his eye-lids. Brief weightlessness, like when himself and Neo had flown, against each other yes, but it had still been flying.

The sound of wings folding had him opening his eyes to see they stood in a red lit room with a bouncer at the far end who stood behind a red velvet rope. The Angel turned to look at the duster-clad man and stated, "You will let him pass."

As he blinked the Seraph disappeared and he was let past the man without contest. People and half-beings were everywhere, on principle of not being able to 'See' who was who he avoided everyone that he could as he made his way toward the back. It felt like many eyes were on him as the back door opened.

It was yet another red-lit room this time only occupied by a mahogany desk and a dark-skinned man in suit and a fedora. This was the man known as Midnite, the only one in the entire Matrix to get away from him.

Midnite smiled, "So, you have to have Heaven's help to find me. This time, at least, it is for a good cause. You know he doesn't even joke about my accent, whenever he and Constantine would come in he did it all the time. Now, that he has been with Balthazar for two years he never does it anymore."

_'__**Two years ?**__ Constantine tried for two years ? I didn't realize that much time had passed. Balthazar must have been hiding Neo from me specifically or else I would have been drawn to him. Well, that ends starting now !'_

He nodded, "Indeed I did and yes, it is. Constantine said you could likely help me with saving Neo."

Midnite waved a dark-hand through the air, "Normally, I wouldn't take sides, but seeing as I quite like Neo's company, if only as a relief from Constantine, I will help you." While Midnite said this, the man got up and walked around the desk to stand in front of him.

Truly, he expected something a lot more flashy than Midnite just raising his hands and a few seconds later saying, "It's done."

"That's it ?"

A nod, "Trust me, now he won't sense you until he actually sees you."

After that he left and too worried to try to sleep, not that he truly needed to anyway, but it and the dreams were a good way to stave off boredom, he wandered around the city. Time didn't seem to move until something slammed into him and he caught it.

Blinked as he was suddenly looking down into those beautiful, dark-brown eyes. Found himself lifting the pale chin to stare at the stark difference between now and the last time he'd seen them - they were dull, almost life-less.

**Flashback**

He stared at the little human in shock as Neo didn't try to stop the copying this time. What almost seemed to be a sigh of relief leaving the man. It baffled him that those fiery, dark-eyes could be...happy ?

**End Flashback**

Tried to get some of the familiar fire back in them as he called Neo something the man absolutely loathed, "Mr. Anderson."

Surprisingly, it didn't work, Neo didn't even half-heartedly glare at him. Just a lack luster statement, "It's Neo.," then suddenly the fire flared back to life, "Why does he always do that ? It's not fair !"

He raised his eyebrows as he questioned, "What do you mean...Balthazar ?"

Hated the fact that when Neo responded with, "Y-you know about him ? A-about us ?", the fire died and the man started looking around reflexively.

When he growled, "Yes, I know ! Your cousin, Constantine, found me and told me about him, I don't like him.," He didn't exactly want to scare Neo by telling him the truth about Balthazar, "You deserve so much better than a half-Demon. Look at yourself, Neo, you're incredible, the things that you have done, you're the most powerful human in the Matrix. You beat me so easily, you weren't even trying. Mind, I was not trying my hardest either. Neo, you're beautiful, do you even realize how many people must look at you every day and wish they had you ? Every single one of them is better for you than **him**. Even** I** would be better for you than him.", he noticed the flinch and the way the long lashes fluttered as those eyes turned panicked by his anger at Balthazar.

_'Fuck damn it ! Now I just made him scared of me. Great job you idiot, do something non-threatening.'_

Found himself cupping the pale cheek and stroking Neo's cheekbone, a possibly unconscious sigh of relief as the man leaned into the gesture.

Some of the warmth, that life, came back as he continued, "I couldn't stop thinking about you ! After I woke up, again, for the second time. I couldn't help wondering what had happened to you. When I heard that Balthazar had taken you, I knew it would not be good. Especially, when Midnite told me about your last appearance with Balthazar. Midnite told me you don't even joke about his accent anymore. Two years ago, seeing all those other people's memories of you, I know you're funny. I thought quite a few things were hilarious when you said them to me, even when they were insults. What I mean, is you're everything to me and I couldn't realise that until a few months ago. I-I love you, Neo !"

He snarled as Neo was suddenly jerked away from him, glared over Neo's shoulder at the shorter being.

Balthazar snarled back at him, then said lazily, "Get away from him, Smith. Unless you want me to kill you, oh...wait you can't die only get deleted. Oh poor little Smith, you're only six-hundred years old, you don't know a thing about anything. I'm guessing our **dear**, **precious **Johnny-boy sent you ? Did you appreciate Neo when you had him, Smith ? Oh, wait, I'm **so** sorry, you never did." The last said with a sneer and mocking kiss pressed against Neo's neck, for a second the tongue that flickered out was forked like a snake's.

That made him glare at the Demon, "You're older than when Rome was real, Balthazar ! Yet, somehow, you can't appreciate the best thing you **don't** deserve, so fuck you ! It doesn't matter, I was looking for him anyway, Midnite and Constantine only helped me.", as he said the last he reached for Neo.

One of the pale hands reached for him, but it wasn't fast enough and Balthazar pulled Neo into his grip, the man gave him a terrified look, before the two disappeared in a flash of red light and the scent of sulfur.

Almost screamed in frustration, before he stalked over and punched a hole in the expensive and, of course, shiny black tile of the building. When a security guard approached him, he let the full humanness he had learned over the years drop from his eyes, then unleashed the full fury of his inhumanness into his already inhumanly cold blue-eyes and onto the guard. It amused him greatly when the man not only cowered, but actually screamed while he turned and ran away in fright.

_'Well, Heaven, you said you'd break the Balance for him and you did. I've done my part, now I believe it's your God, just don't let him die. Don't let Balthazar kill him after everything he's been through...all the crap I put him through two years ago, I need to make it up to Neo. Tell me you'll let me.'_

A chuckle, "Well, it wouldn't be suspenseful if we told you what would happen now would it ?"

He turned to see a young woman of indeterminate race in a black suit standing a few feet away. The woman smiled briefly at him and a calm washed over him, a man between them and in those few seconds the woman disappeared.

_'D-did I just meet __**God**__ ? What does that mean ? Does that mean he's going to be alive, but something else will have happened to him ? Is he going to die and get turned into a half-Angel ? You know what God your 'mysterious ways' are incredibly annoying.' _

Again time seemed to blur as he found himself hundreds, if not thousands of miles away, in the courtyard. _'Who is that Seraph ? Uriel, Haniel, Michael ? Perhaps Raphael, Seraphiel or Remiel ? Who are you ? Who do I thank for saving my love's life, besides Her ?' _

The sound of movement behind him and he turned to see the red-haired Seraph who answered his question, _"I am Uriel. Tell me, Smith, the fire of life and love deserves to be saved by the 'Fire of God' does it not ?"_

_'Of course it does.'_

Uriel disappeared with a fiery shimmer as Neo 'walked' through him. It relieved him to see Neo smiling that for the first time in likely a long time the dark-eyes were fully alive again. A deep kiss that he couldn't remember who started, disappointment as Neo pulled away from him.

Constantine's voice from behind him, "Glad you're all right, I would've helped but, I was on a case in Chicago until a few days ago. I'm sorry, I'm a damned idiot, because I didn't think Balthazar would actually go after you, To-Neo. I should have known he would, that **fucking hell sucker **goes after everybody connected to me."

Smirked at the phrase as Neo laughed and replied, "Well, according to Balthazar ... Hell is nice."

Then he stated, "Well, according to me he can** go back **to Hell, if it's so nice."

_'So that he can leave us alone for good.'_

He laughed as Neo retorted with, "That's exactly what I said."

Neo caught up to him and he slid an arm around Neo's waist as they started walking away.

Constantine muttered, "Ugh, it's a pair of lovebirds, I think I'm gonna be sick."

They retorted in unison, "Get a bag then."

Above them, Uriel smiled, _'Aw, that's so cute. Well, another good mission overdue to be completed...completed, at last. Everyone's going to love hearing about this one.'_, before he flew back to Heaven.

* * *

><p><span><em>Author's Note:<em>So, anybody want to see it from Balthazar's P.O.V ?


End file.
